Stuck in first gear!

Marc: So is this a double road?

Caroline: A dual carriage way..

Marc: Yeah that's the one.

Name drop

Marc is watching a video on http://www.watercoolerwit.com/

After watching...

Marc: What is Obama's last name?

Adam: That is his last name! Barack is his first name!

Answers

Adam: What do you need for the survey to put on Survey Monkey?

Marc: I will need the questions.

Adam: Anything else?

Marc: The answers...

Is this live?

Marc and his Dad were watching I'm A Celebrity on ITV2 last night.

Marc: Is this live?

Dad: Yes, see that spinning thing in the bottom left, that says LIVE!

Date anyone..

We were just discussing dating, so Marc decides to give out a few tips!

Marc: I think my number one tip would be, don't take a girl to McDonalds. I did that twice with two different girls..

While in Maccy D's don't stare at the arse of the girl in front of you.

And when asking your date which bugger they'd like, and she asks to be taken home, do not proceed to buy yourself a meal! Even a happy meal.

BC

Adam: The coin had the Roman Emperor's head on the front and 500bc written on the back of it. Why did the shop keeper say it was a fake?

Marc: Is it because the romans didn't exist before Jesus!

Tree of Knowledge

Marc: So you work at the Arboretum, the art gallery?

Janet: An Arboretum is a place where Trees are kept!

Touching.

Anon: Marc, why are you poking the screen?

Marc: Just in case we've been upgraded to touch screen technology.

Man or Wife!

On the subject of male vegetarians, and the discussion gets onto Paul McCartney.

Marc: Who is Paul McCartney, is he the wife of Linda McCartney, the lasagna lady?!

*Pause*

Marc: She's got one leg.

Susan: No that's Heather Mills, who has one leg!

Crisps anyone?

Talk turns to Dannii Minogue.

Marc: She's had a baby. Because she's so plastic, what they did was, open her up like a bag of crisps, get the baby out, then just re-seal her. Jobs a good'un!

Presidential

Adam: Did you know that in about 2 years time, Sarah Palin could become the next President of the United States...

Marc: What, Michael Palin's wife?!

No more tears.. or tiers!

In the departmental meeting Helen is talking about, no more tiers.

Marc: No more teirs, Johnson's baby oil, no more tears!

Helen: Johnson's baby SHAMPOO! No more tears.

Watch it!

Marc: Do I have to watch TRON the original before I watch TRON Legacy?

Adam: You haven't watched TRON?

Marc: No, but I've watched Logun's Run.

Test Tickle

This is a test............tickle!

Hey yo, whats that sound...

Marc talking out loud to no one in particular..

'Can you hear that? It sounds like a man flying on a massive vibrator!'

It was actually a gyrocopter!

A classic case of Chinese

Marc: In China do they have English restaurants like we have Chinese?

North vs South

Marc: So did you have a good holiday in, er... Where did you go?

Liam: Penzance.

Marc: Ah right, thats in Yorkshire.

Liam: No, thats in Cornwall.

Marc: Oh I thought you went to the mountains....

Some deep thinking later.

Marc: I was thinking the Pennines!

Ridin' solo...

Marc: So the Segway isn't a new phone?!

Errr...

Marc: I hate thinking... When I think I can't seem to do anything else!

Foxy

Marc: I saw a fox this morning, I got quite close, maybe tomorrow i'll bring a lead and pretend its my dog! I shall name him Fred.

Random: What if it's a girl?

Marc: I shall call it Fred, short for.... (after much pointless thinking)... Freda.

Now on Twitter

Now on Twitter... Please follow me at:

https://twitter.com/marcismsblog

A healthy pint or 2.

In the office discussing Health checks.

Julia: I've been charged £37 for sending of my samples.

Random office chat: Well that's not right, go and discuss it with HR.

Marc: What did you do? Send them 5 pints of it?!

Mathmatical Dilemma

Office is discussing failing Maths GCSE's

Marc: I failed Maths 3 times, still haven't passed... Though I have never seen the point, when are you ever going to need pythagoras theorem to use a till?!

Yeah and what?

see more Señor Gif

Anne Frank Part Deux

Marc: Anne Frank, she's the one with the Diary?

Adam: Yeah, and i'm surprised no one heard her with her typewriter.

Marc: She might of used a pencil.

Long pause.

Marc: I'm surprised, what if she didn't have a pencil sharpener, she would never have completed it.

Rob: When is a diary ever complete!

JASON D

Just a bit of knowledge for you all that read this...

If you take the first letter of every month ie.

JFMAMJJASOND - It spells JASON, Jason D, Donovan, Jason Donovan played Joseph in Joseph and the Technicoloured Dreamcoat.

What i have just come to realise, is that Joseph and his Technicoloured Dreamcoat is NOT Jesus' step dad. He is a totally different Joseph altogether.

Don't Point!

Office conversation turns to talking about Mount Vesuvius. And that there is a whore house near by, with quite a few phalluses.

Marc: Phallus, is that the thing that hangs down from caves?

Office: No, you're thinking of stalactite.

Marc: Wait, what is a phallus?

Adam: You know when you walk to work, there is that graffiti on the bridge? Of the rather large painting in white?!

Marc: Right, thats the one.

Full of knowlegde

Marc: Why is a recorder called a recorder? You don't record anything!

Helen: Thats a good question... *pulls out a big book*

Marc: What's that? Your big book of knowledge?!

Helen: Yeah... It's called a dictionary!

Hysta-what?!

Marc: Is she having a hysterectomy?

Julia: ???

Marc: No, wait, thats what men have isn't it?

Julia: You're thinking vasectomy, hysterectomy is to do with the womb!

Jamie's Italian?

Marc is asking if you have to book to go to Jamie Olivers restaurant...

Marc: Adam, you've been to Jamie Oliver's restaurant?

Adam: Yeah.

Marc: Do you have to book?

Adam: No, and i would recommend a pasta dish...

Marc: Oh ok, What kind of food is it they do there?

Adam: It's called Jamie's Italian, I think that kinda gives it away!

Good Friday

Julia: Next year Good Friday is on the 22nd

Marc: Oh good, what day is that?

PAUSE

Marc: Oh god damn it, I've done it again!

In - Sultan

Marc: My brothers friend went to Eton College and when he left he went to help the Sultan of Brunei's son...

Marc: ... Where does he live?

Adam: Brunei!

Marc: Yeah, that makes sense!

Win, lose and lost the plot...

Marc: The thing about mid week games, is that you either draw or lose, no one ever wins!

Mirror Signal..... LISTEN!

Marc: I got to sell my car, but I feel guilty about selling it as its to dangerous to drive.

Adam: Sell to 'Webuyanycar.com'...

Marc: Good idea, whats the website?

Incompetence

Marc: What's that thing old people have when they keep going to the loo?

*PAUSE*

Marc: Incompetence?!

Adam: Incontinence, it means they don't make it...

Marc: Ah, well I think I have that and at this rate I doubt I'll make it...


*Marc leaves the room to go to the loo*