Rock on

Daz [looking at something on the internet]: I've got a picture of a rock growing hair.

Marc [looks]: That's just a rock with a wig in a glass case.

[Then, as if to prove his conclusion]

Marc: Take it to the barbers and then see what happens.

Legs

Marc: I'm amazing at paintball. I never get shot. The only time I got shot was when I stood up by accident.

Smell

[A gorgeous smell of garlic wafts through the window from the Indian restaurant downstairs]

Anthony: Marc, I'll give you a fiver if you can identify that spice we can smell.

Marc: Kiev?

Name of the game

Marc: Andy, I'm gonna have a stab at guessing your mum's name.

Andy: ...

Marc: Janet? Margret?

[Andy doesn't respond]

Marc: Daz, I'm gonna have a stab at guessing your mum's name. Janet? Margret?

[Daz doesn't respond]

Marc: Andy, have a go at guessing my mum's name.

Andy [in desparation]: Gertrude?

Marc: No, but that is my car's name. Well done.

Anne Frank's drumkit

Andy: That's about as much use as Anne Frank's drumkit.

Anthony: Who's Anne Frank?

Marc: She's the one that got locked in a room with a diary, wasn't she?

Show me your papers

Anthony: Would you like a cup of tea, Marc?

Marc: Nein, bitte.

Urination

Marc: I was right up close to a girl peeing in the street on Saturday.

Walker

[Marc comes into the office]

Andy: Are you all right? You're walking funny.

Marc: Yeah, I've got a bad chest.

Paint

Daz: I said that you should wear old clothes in 'cause you're going to be doing some painting.

Marc: I know. I wore old pants in. [pulls the side of his boxers up above his waistband]. See?

Get up, stand up

Marc [is talking about his weekend]: My mate said "marc, stand up" and so i stood up and then he said "sit down" so i sat down and i was like, "what was that about" and he was like "she wanted to see if you were tall or not" so i was, like, "right, whatever."...

Dark side of the moon

[the rest of the office are quizzing Marc on the bizarre "bloody mary" myth that only he seems to have heard of. Members who heard it the first time are staring incredulously and ones who haven't are laughing afresh. Marc feels the need to justify himself]

Marc: It has to be a full moon.

Fleshy

[Anthony is continuing the tradition of reading out anniversary Marcisms and has got to the fish/meat one]

Marc: Well, that's kind of true. I mean, tuna - is that a fish?

[later]

Anthony: Meat is the flesh of an animal. It doesn't have to be a cow.

Marc: Yes, it could be lamb.

Vodka and tomato

[someone in the office mentions the words "bloody mary"]

Marc: Apparently, if you repeat "bloody mary" in a pub toilet six times she'll come out of the mirror and stab you.