Christmas Nuts

Everyone is out on the departmental Xmas lunch.
Marc recieved his Secret Santa (WhatCar? and The Nuts Christmas Special magazines)

Late on during lunch, Adam spills some orange juice all over the table...

Adam: Whoops, sorry people.

Marc: (Very loudly) Bloody hell, watch my Nuts..

Women on the table opposite then gives him a dodgy stare.

Round the Back!

Everyone was having lunch and Marc came out with this beauty...

Marc: Phil, shall I take you up the back way after lunch? I think you said you wanted to see what is was like?!

MASSIVE PAUSE... (followed by an awkward laugh).

(Just to clarify, the back way, is the back stairs up to the processing room)!!!

One size fits all!

Marc: If the shoe fits?

Marc: Wait, if the glove fits..?

Lyndsay: If the cap fits (wear it)?!

Slow is not the word.

Marc: What you talkin' 'bout Willis..

Phil: Gary Coleman said that.

Marc: Yeah that little black guy..

(Marc then looks him up on Wikipedia)

Marc: He's Dead, when did that happen?

Gary Coleman died May 28 2010. RIP

Happy Birthday Postman Pat

Marc: Oh my god.. Postman Pat is only 30 yrs old. He looks well for his age!

Shotgun Sally

Marc: Why isn't Adam in work tomorrow?

Julia: He's at a wedding.

Marc: What kind of wedding?

Phil: A shotgun wedding...

Marc: That's what I want, a shotgun wedding.

Who's your Daddy?

Marc: I wish my Dad was Jay-Z

Phil: Don't you love your Dad for who he is?

Marc: Yeah, my Dad is alright.

Hey Amigo..

Every now and again Marc uses his card in the little shop on the University campus, called Amigo's. (But he didn't know this)!

Marc: Everytime my bank statement comes through, I check it and sometimes I notice there is a little bit of money taken out by Amigo's.. Some Mexican is spending my money, but on what?!

Adam: Amigo's is the name of the shop down the road.

Strike 3.. You're out!

Marc: Shite a light...

Polly: Strike a light, it's hot.

Marc: Haha I always thought that saying was Shite a light, and that's why I never understood what it meant.

Polly: Whats Strike a light mean?

Marc: Dunno.

Plucking hairs

Isn't it wierd how when you pull a hair out of anywhere on your body, it hurts like hell, but no blood appears, yet when pull off other body parts it hurts like hell and you're left with a huge blood stain!

One giant cycle ride for mankind.

Marc: Who landed on the moon? Lance Armstrong?

Test-icle

Testing Testing... 1, 2, 1, 2.

Tappy Tappy Tappy.

For your safety please do not eat shampoo!

Mother

Marc: Saw Madame Tussauds in Madame Tussauds when I was in New York, but I though it was.. Lady Teresa.

Susan: Mother Teresa.

Marc: Yeah.

Adam: Do you know where she is from?

Marc: Israel? Jerusalem? Bethlehem?

Adam: Go further east..

Marc: To be honest, I have no idea where I am at the moment.

(Turns out she's from India)!

Original

Oh, so Flo Rida is from Florida

Think!

Marc said something completely random.

Penny: What did you say?

Marc: Oh I was just talking out loud.

Penny: You always talk out loud, you were thinking out loud.

Marc: Oh yeah.

Fashion sense of humor.

Marc: I'm gonna take my Toy Story t-shirt, the Cookie Monster t-shirt and the Kermit t-shirt to New York, so when an American asks where I got them from, I can just say.. Only in England mate.

Robert Loggia

While trying to discover what Robert Loggia has been in, apart from the obvious Family Guy.

Marc: Found it on Wikipedia, he's been in Quincy.. Quincy me?

Adam: I think you mean Quincy M.E

Penny: We've been waiting for that.

Marc: Best get that on Marcisms!

God save the... Marcism

Marc calls his Mum on the day of the Royal Wedding..

Marc: Quick question, is Kate now the Queen?

Mum: No, she is the Duchess of Cambridge, when Will becomes King, she will be Queen.

Marc: Oh right OK.

Mum: Did you watch it then?

Marc: Yeah, there was nothing else on!

I'm a dumbass get me out of here.

This is brilliant...

You're in a room, with no windows or doors, there is only a table, its completely sealed, how do you get out?

Well, you bang your head on the wall till its SAW, you take the saw and cut the table in half, put the table back together again so it's HOLE, crawl out the hole and then shout at the top of your voice till it's HORSE, get on the horse and ride into the distance!

Mummy?

Marc was flicking through channels last night and came across the Tutankhamun programme on BBC.

Marc: What the hell is Tu-tank-harmon?

Dentist..?

Marc: Just had a jolly good filling from the dentist.

*Long Pause*

Marc: In my mouth..

Marc again: On my tooth.

Quick off the mark.

Marc: Ramires was good, until he got sent off!

Big Plonker

Have you ever stood underneath Big Ben and asked someone for the time?!

Stairway to heaven.

Mum: Now how are you going to feel about facing the Empire State Building?

Marc: What do you mean?

Mum: Getting in the lift.

Marc: Oh, i'll get the stairs!

To be sure.

Discussion turns to who's had what diseases in the office.

Marc: I've had German Measles.

Adam: Rolls of a few in which he was bluffing.. I've had Encephalitis.

Now Marc miss hears and thinks he's said, Kefalitis.

Marc: I thought that was a place in Greece.

Adam: No, its caught by mosquitoes that live in paddy fields.

Marc: Irish mosquitoes?

Random Q&A's

So... I been thinking (dangerous) about maybe asking a question everyday, just a random question that pops into my head randomly. I have no clue how the public will answer these questions, but I may give it a go anyway.

But I'm thinking now, sometimes I may forget to ask everyday, so don't shoot the messenger.

Something on your mind?

Randomly out loud..

Marc: Fallopian tube.

Who?

Marc is stressing over changes in the banner he is making.

Marc: Arrrgh Batty Nora!

Susan: Don't you mean Nora Batty?

Bad act

It's time for tea in the office. So Marc heads off to get a biscuit. As he gets to the tin he meets Susan and Adam.

Marc: Hello Fellatio

Adam: I can't believe you just called me that.

Marc: Isn't that the name of that Latin dude?

Susan: Surely you know what that means..

Marc: *Whispers to Adam* What is it?

Adam: A sexual act performed on..

Marc: *Points down*

Adam: Yes..

Marc: Ooohh.. Haha I meant Hiratio.

No Maths.

Even though I said it was the 200th post, I have a feeling it's not. The number of posts just don't add up! Baffling.

200th post.. Boyhood memories

Marc: Whats the stupidest swap you've ever made?

Office: *No one speaks*

Marc: Well, mine is, when I was at school, I swapped my fountain pen for a chocolate bar!

Dirty Mouth.

Susan and Charlotte are walking round the office with a dictaphone asking people to say something to test it out. (it's pretty old skool)!

Susan: Marc, tell us joke.

Marc: I've never really understood dic-ta-phones, because you put your mouth to it!

Part 2

2nd Convo about Alberto Aquilani playing for Liverpool and just not doing well in the Premiership, so talk turns to other Italians who have and have not made it in the league.

Marc: Zola worked well (Great goal against Norwich), Vialli, Di Canio.

Adam H: Ravenelli sort of did for Boro

Adam W: Pistone? not that I ever saw him play

Marc: Juninho, he did well...

Adam H: He was Brazilian..

Part 1

1st Convo Turns out Adam H want to go travelling round the world.

Adam H: I got the travelling bug, I want to go to South America.

Marc: Brazil?

Adam H: Yeah. But number one city first would be Buenos Aires in Argentina!

Marc: I'd love to go to Brazil to watch Boca Juniors...

Adam W: Boca play in Argentina!

Tree Goats

I've got a Tree Goat, but I've lost him..

He must've climbed the tree and escaped!

Pulling blanks.

This morning Marc thought he'd play a prank on one of his fellow colleagues.
Walked over to Matt's desk and took out the USB Keyboard cable (well that's what he thought)! The morning went by, then Matt came in, so Marc waited patiently to laugh at him. Marc went over to see what was going on as he saw Matt typing happily...

Marc: You're typing?

Matt: Er yes, why?

Marc: I thought I pulled out your keyboard.

(So he checks at the back, he's pulled out a cable that isn't attached to anything)!

Tea time..

At work, Marc has tea every morning and afternoon and gets sugar sachets. As of late, the sachets have always been wet at one end and Marc can't understand why, until now..

Marc: I've just come to realise why these sachets are all wet at one end.

Julia: Why's that then?

Marc: I've been putting them in this cup with water at the bottom!

Pancake Day

Happy Tuesday Pancake Day... Can never remember the proper name for it though!

Spoony Moony

I got a little trick for you..

Get a spoon and flip it, so the curvy side is facing your face, and put your 2 middle fingers up against it, with your index finger and little pinky either side of the outta edge of the spoon. It will look like someone is pulling a moony at you!

If this doesn't work, you're obviously doing it wrong!

Marc was at Chelsea vs Everton on Saturday and met the Agent or one of the Agents for Adele (Singer). Conversation turned to Adele and how good a singer she was, and that he's trying to get he more gigs. But before Marc knew of his status, he had told his joke about Adele, which didn't go down very well.. Obviously, after the joke was said, Marc found out who he was and why he didn't laugh.

Marc: I got a joke about Adele..

What does Adele name her albums after?

Jimmy: Go on..

Marc: Her Weight....

Cue TUMBLEWEED!

How many times.

Marc doing his 2x table...

Marc: It's easy.. 2,4,6,8,10,11,12,13..

Marc: That happened because i was going to fast, let me do it slower.

How do you spell that?

Marc: You spell my name with a C... C for Sexy!

CSI Whatever.

Julia: I'd much prefer to go to Luxor, Egypt than Las Vegas.

Adam: So you wouldn't like to go to Vegas.

Julia: I'd only go to Las Vegas as CSI..

*Long pause*

Marc: Which one?

Funny chat!

This chat is taken from back in the day at Blitz the Net. Marc and Anf were chatting through G-mail chat, there's a lot of classic chat on there! This was taken from the 19/05/06. Just to clarify a wee mee is an avatar of someone!

Marc: I'm chatting in wee mee chat lol

Anf: ?

Marc: The wee mee thing, i'm chatting to someone

Anf: lol who?

Marc: Some girl from Glasgow

Anf: Sweet, she got a pic?

Marc: No just a wee mee person

Anf: lol is she fit?

Marc: Her wee mee looks ok

Blast from the past..

Happy New Year 2011...

I was browsing some old chat threads from back in the day and found this little Marcism.

Marc: Did it just get really hot in here?

Anf: Umm..

Marc: My back is soaking

Anf: LOL