Name of the game

Marc: Andy, I'm gonna have a stab at guessing your mum's name.

Andy: ...

Marc: Janet? Margret?

[Andy doesn't respond]

Marc: Daz, I'm gonna have a stab at guessing your mum's name. Janet? Margret?

[Daz doesn't respond]

Marc: Andy, have a go at guessing my mum's name.

Andy [in desparation]: Gertrude?

Marc: No, but that is my car's name. Well done.

Anne Frank's drumkit

Andy: That's about as much use as Anne Frank's drumkit.

Anthony: Who's Anne Frank?

Marc: She's the one that got locked in a room with a diary, wasn't she?

Show me your papers

Anthony: Would you like a cup of tea, Marc?

Marc: Nein, bitte.

Urination

Marc: I was right up close to a girl peeing in the street on Saturday.

Walker

[Marc comes into the office]

Andy: Are you all right? You're walking funny.

Marc: Yeah, I've got a bad chest.

Paint

Daz: I said that you should wear old clothes in 'cause you're going to be doing some painting.

Marc: I know. I wore old pants in. [pulls the side of his boxers up above his waistband]. See?

Get up, stand up

Marc [is talking about his weekend]: My mate said "marc, stand up" and so i stood up and then he said "sit down" so i sat down and i was like, "what was that about" and he was like "she wanted to see if you were tall or not" so i was, like, "right, whatever."...