God save the... Marcism

Marc calls his Mum on the day of the Royal Wedding..

Marc: Quick question, is Kate now the Queen?

Mum: No, she is the Duchess of Cambridge, when Will becomes King, she will be Queen.

Marc: Oh right OK.

Mum: Did you watch it then?

Marc: Yeah, there was nothing else on!

I'm a dumbass get me out of here.

This is brilliant...

You're in a room, with no windows or doors, there is only a table, its completely sealed, how do you get out?

Well, you bang your head on the wall till its SAW, you take the saw and cut the table in half, put the table back together again so it's HOLE, crawl out the hole and then shout at the top of your voice till it's HORSE, get on the horse and ride into the distance!

Mummy?

Marc was flicking through channels last night and came across the Tutankhamun programme on BBC.

Marc: What the hell is Tu-tank-harmon?

Dentist..?

Marc: Just had a jolly good filling from the dentist.

*Long Pause*

Marc: In my mouth..

Marc again: On my tooth.

Quick off the mark.

Marc: Ramires was good, until he got sent off!

Big Plonker

Have you ever stood underneath Big Ben and asked someone for the time?!

Stairway to heaven.

Mum: Now how are you going to feel about facing the Empire State Building?

Marc: What do you mean?

Mum: Getting in the lift.

Marc: Oh, i'll get the stairs!

To be sure.

Discussion turns to who's had what diseases in the office.

Marc: I've had German Measles.

Adam: Rolls of a few in which he was bluffing.. I've had Encephalitis.

Now Marc miss hears and thinks he's said, Kefalitis.

Marc: I thought that was a place in Greece.

Adam: No, its caught by mosquitoes that live in paddy fields.

Marc: Irish mosquitoes?