Fell out the tree

[Marc and Garry are talking about baldness]

Garry: You know Duncan Goodhugh?

Marc: Is that the dude with the big feet?

Hot in here

Marc [suffering]: It's hot in here today.

Garry: Well, you are wearing a jumper...

Marc: Yeah, but i can't take it off.

Garry: Oh, you not wearing a tshirt underneath?

Marc: Yeah, but it's really tiny.

Check me out

[Garry walks past Marc and ruffles his hair]

Marc: Don't do that! You'll mess it up and girls won't look at me twice!

Jew

Anthony: If I was a rapper I think I would be called 'Nice Tea'.

Marc: If you were a rabbi?

Lips inc.

Marc: Do you remember when i used to do this?

[Marc makes an otherworldly noise. Anthony looks puzzled.]

Marc: It's whistling and blowing out at the same time.

[When the office points out that you blow out when you whistle anyway Marc spends the next few minutes holding up his hand in front of his face and whistling into it to check.]

Scrumptious

[Daz and Anthony are trying to persuade Marc that they have picked the apples that they are eating at their desks are off a tree in the park]

Marc [looks horrified]: Don't be stupid, you can't eat them straight off the tree like that!

Heat absorption

Garry [walks into the office]: It's hot in here.

Marc: That's your fault for wearing such a dark shirt.

Marcipedia

Anthony [walks past Marc's computer, glances at his screen and stops sharply]: Marc, did you just type the word "Nonce" into Google?

[Anthony stays for a few moments more. Horrified, but too fascinated by watching Marc use the internet to move on.]

Anthony: Marc. You can't just go typing words like "flid" into search engines.

Marc [looking worried]: Why not, does someone read it?

Hold that thought

Marc: We should get a telepahy in here.

[The office collectively looks puzzled]

Marc: A telephalist.

[Office is still puzzled]

Marc: A telephalonist.

[Another few minutes pass before the office relises he is talking about a telepath]

Pavlova

[The office is having a discussion about what single food items can change their names when prepared - ie. Bread/toast]

Daz: What about egg whites/meringues?

Andy: That needs sugar.

Marc: What if you're allergic to sugar?

Crispy

Marc: If you barbecue cheese and onion crisps they taste really nice.

Milky

Anthony: What do cows drink?

Marc: Milk.

[Note: this wouldn't be so funny, apart from the fact that Marc falls for it every time.]

Trim

Marc: Never try shaving your pubes with a blunt razor.

Getting hotter

Anthony: Marc, do you ever wear shorts?

Marc: Not any more. What a waste of time that was.

Lirpa Sloof

Anthony [doing a count of Marcisms so far this year]: 15 in March, 16 in February...

Marc: How many in April?

Unfair FunBlair

[Anthony and Marc are talking about grafitti]

Anthony: Like writing 'F Blair' on a wall?

Marc: 'F Blair'?

Anthony [repeating it]: Yes, 'F Blair'

Marc [thinks about it for a while]: I thought it was T Blair?

Antipodean suspicion

Marc: Is Dame Edna a bloke?